


The Most Pitiful Pity Party

by zoeleigh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Best Friends, Late at Night, M/M, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 13:58:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11419452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeleigh/pseuds/zoeleigh
Summary: Just like every single night it would seem, Tyler finds himself sobbing over his best friend, and unrequited crush, for what might be the most pitiful reason ever.





	The Most Pitiful Pity Party

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is like really crappy, i wrote it last night because i got into a writing mood and it's pretty eh but here we go anyways

Why am I crying this time?

 

It’s a question I find myself asking a lot. It seems like almost every night, I tear up over some trigger, unidentifiable at the time. Often I’ll have to trace my thoughts back and follow the rabbit trail to where they lead, only problem there is that when I remember what it was, it typically makes me more upset than I was before. 

 

I have a mental checklist I go through as I cry. First am I upset over someone or something? If it’s someone I move onto Josh, he’s almost the only friend I have so it’s typically him. If the problem of the night happens to be a something rather than a someone, there’s one thing it’s almost certain to be: the future. Of course it can be something else, totally random and unpredictable. It could be from someone who pissed me off during the day or it could be because I’m just having a crappy day in general. But I can figure that out after getting past my known triggers.

 

And tonight it just happens to be Josh. Sometimes I like to think about what it would sound like to an outside person if I told them that my own best friend was a huge trigger for me. Probably like I need a new best friend. But I don’t, I know I don’t. I just need to get over some feelings. That’s it. Josh is nothing but kindness and love towards me. He’s been there since we were twelve and he hasn’t left for anything. I don’t think I could ask for a better friend, honestly. He’s my safety and I can always talk to him about anything, I know it. Just sometimes, well a lot of the time, my anxiety eats me alive with reminders that I can’t tell him what I know I should, what I know I can. 

 

Unlike most other nights, the problem isn’t that I might be a little in love with him, tonight it’s his sixteenth birthday. I guess it sounds kind of crazy out of context. Imagine someone asking “What triggers you Tyler?” 

 

“Well, imaginary person I keep in my head for these metaphorical conversations, it’s my best pal’s sixteenth birthday soon.”

 

“And that’s a problem why,” this person might ask.

 

And I’ll say, “Because I’m not invited.”

 

Okay, end of that conversation. If it kept going I’d probably end up yelling at the figment of my brain and crying some more. The truth is, I’m so so happy for Josh. He’s about to be sixteen, he’s about to be able to drive a car. He can come pick me up in the middle of the night, once he has his license for six months that is, and we can go to Taco Bell or McDonald’s and get some crappy fast food for no reason other than to laugh and spend time together. Josh will be that much closer to being an adult. 

 

And he’s gonna get to celebrate that all without me. 

 

It’s not that he didn’t want to invite me, it’s that he can’t. When I dropped out of our school to be homeschooled due to mental health reasons, I didn’t leave another friend of ours, Eli, so nicely. Eli and I had a huge falling out, and consequently Eli grew ever so closer to Josh, our mutual friend. They used to be just acquaintances but when Eli had no one else once I left, Josh took him in because he’s just that kind of guy. And when Eli’s boyfriend dumped him, it was up to Josh and a few others to make sure he stayed around. But there’s no way the two of us could be together for a party, and even if I wanted to I highly doubt my parents would let me or that Eil would even want to. 

 

Because of our falling out, Josh had to decide who could come to the party and me being me,I graciously bowed out, letting Eli go in my place. I guess you could say it’s my fault then, but how was I supposed to make Josh feel bad because he couldn’t invite us both to his sweet sixteen? I just couldn’t do it. So I never mentioned it. Even though I was there throughout the year helping him decide on a theme and decorations and party ideas. Even though it was something we had talked about. Even though I was so invested. Even though I’m his best friend.

 

The situation reminds me a lot of that one Friends episode where Monica has to choose a maid of honor. Except for me, there’s no Phoebe to my Rachel to talk it out with. No, instead it was a one sided, I’ll let you go type of thing that I don’t even know if Eli had a part in. 

 

I sometimes wonder if Eli even thought of me when he was officially invited. Did he ask Josh about me? Did he suggest that I go instead of him so that way Josh’s best friend could be there? I guess I’ll never know because I’m too scared to ask Josh myself and there’s no way in hell I’d ask Eli.

 

So here I am. Stuck on my bed bawling my eyes out over something so stupid as a birthday party, what am I? Five? I mean it shouldn’t even be that big of a deal, Josh and me are gonna hang out separately later to celebrate his birthday. It’ll even be on his actual birthday, his party’s a few days before. But it’s still not enough. Maybe I’d feel better if this wasn’t the only sweet sixteen I had a chance of going to. I went to Eli’s, but we aren’t friends anymore. I didn’t even get invited to my old best friend Kaleb’s, or any of my other friends. Now, my only close friend is Josh and so there goes my last sweet sixteen opportunity down the drain. 

 

I think I’ve come to terms with it, mostly, that I won’t be there at his party. But clearly peace between myself and the idea of Josh’s party hasn’t been made completely yet so I’ll just continue to sit here and have the most pitiful pity party ever. 

 

As the night carries on, my thoughts shift from Josh’s party to my own. Except, what type of party will there be if there’s only one friend? Besides Josh, all my friends are online and live miles and miles away. Those friends are the best and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but it does make important things such as birthdays where you would typically gather all together a bit difficult to say the least. None of us have the big money to fly out to anyone. So we are all effectively kept online.

 

Do I wish I could meet them in person? Of course.

 

Would I change how any of us met? Never.

 

To outsiders of the internet community, it may seem strange for someone’s best friend to be online and for them to of never met in person. It might seem odd for two people on opposite sides of the country with no means of meeting to be in a committed, long-term relationship. But to those of us who live our lives out online, we wouldn’t change it for anything. Except to maybe, you know, meet in person at least once or so.

 

In short, yeah I do have other friends, just not ones that can come to my sixteenth birthday party. 

 

It seems so stupid when I think about it, it seems like such a minuscule problem to have. I almost feel selfish for feeling bad about this, but before I can, a wave of tears come pouring out immediately stopping me in my tracks.

 

Like I said, worst pity party ever. 

**Author's Note:**

> congrats if you read it all,,, it's based on some personal experience...... basically i just changed some names and added in a few elements for the ~story~


End file.
